apologetic thoughts

 2:14AM ......

recently i posted a post on here that made assumptions which assumed that i was entitled to spending time and communicating with my Mistress when i wanted it, because i felt i deserved it and had earned it. yet, this could be no further than the truth. in many ways the poem that i posted revealed a selfish side of me, which when exposed to the  eyes and light of my Mistress's scrutiny exposed me as a self indulgent, self seeking, greedy attention whore. as such, i am guilty. i cannot say that i have not enjoyed the incumbent and indulgent attention that my Mistress at one time encompassed me with. i felt like i was one of the pivotal centers of Her universe and it was such a thrill and a pleasure to be called upon to serve Her: be it abused and humiliated for Her amusement, or being beaten to a bloody pulp by Her lovely, skilled feet and fists. serving and meeting Her needs was of  prime preeminence to my life.  Her training methods were smooth, methodical and lethally successful. slowly, severely and systematically She got inside of my head to the point where i was thinking of nothing else but pleasing and serving Her. in many respects, there is not a day that goes by that i do not think of serving Her. hoping for an errant text or email message which would call on me to do something for Her and to spur me into action. i found out from Her that i love to feel needed, valued and wanted. She reinforced these positive feelings within me and as time went on changed me and made me a better servant and pet to Her. i would like to also think that i have also become a better human being because of Her patient, thorough training.

but, time does not hold still and much as W/we would like things to remain within the same transit, it does not. Her life is now full, busy and occupied with other things that will certainly move and push Her forward in a positive direction. i am happy for Her and do wish Her well.

i will always be Her friend and servant and when called upon, will do everything in my realm of personal ability to please and assist Her. i so hope that She knows this. i will also learn to be content with Her from a distance and not expect to hear from Her. i shall accept this new dimension between U/us.  it will be difficult, but i shall try.

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Mistress,

i apologize for assuming too much and for being a problematic, attention seeking whore. i know You have other concerns and demands in Your life which are immediate and must be attended to.

 i shall try to be content and appreciative of the time that You choose to invest in O/our friendship. i have no right to make demands or should have any expectations of You in this regard. a slave and a servant serves not for reward or for personal gain, but to please and gratify his Mistress. this should always be paramount.  interestingly, these were the first lessons i learned early on at Your sneakered feet, but somehow they have become muddled and forgotten. regardless, i shall endeavor to honor and learn them again and re-apply these principles to the new dynamic in O/our lives.

i hope that You can see it in Yourself to forgive me for the previous selfish post and that W/we can somehow salvage O/our relationship and still remain friends.

You continue to be in my head and my heart.

respectfully,
pescado