at some point during the beginning of the week, i had an intense, interesting phone conversation with my Mistress over whether or not i should feel inclined towards painting my finger and toe nails. i am not sure why, but this repulsed me and caused a kick back, gag-reflex reaction that i am not proud of. i think my Mistress thought She was doing me a favor by encouraging me to engage in this type of behavior. but, it really either offended me, or scared the hell out of me. i'm not sure which? the only explanation i can come up with is this, i have had to fight all my life with the perceptions and preconceived notions from others that because i have some effeminate characteristics, then obviously i am on the scale which strongly tilts towards meaning i am gay.
"i'm not gay" i reiterrated to Her over my phone. "i'm not and i refuse to be viewed in this way.."
my Mistress was somewhat taken aback and seemed offended.
"WOW! i didn't expect that ... you really do have some blended gender issues which you should re-examine and take care of." She continued to reprimand me, "Listen, there is nothing wrong with a man painting his fingernails or toenails for that matter. The fact that this offends you so much means that you really need to deal with the how and why of this issue. Do you understand?"
"yes, i suppose so." i spoke quietly.
i listened intently, but i really did not want to discuss it any further. She was right, i do have issues with this. it is something that i'm just not too keen about at the present. i mean ... if it isn't gay for a guy to do this, then it certainly is metrosexual. i don't consider myself to be either.
i guess if She wants me to do this, then i will do so to please Her. but, i still don't know. this continues to bother me a great deal. i still have some pretty strong reservations.
any comments or thoughts?
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