see a need ... fill a need

there is nothing that i enjoy more than serving my Mistress. there is a certain pleasure that i derive from being able to take care of Her needs and cater to Her wants and desires. simple things like preparing Her favorite breakfast, or making sure that She has a full cup of water always at Her side, especially if She has been out socializing and perhaps imbibed in a little too much alcohol. i also enjoy doing Her laundry when permitted to do so, and lately i have been sewing and repairing Her clothes. my Mistress has an amazing, and gorgeous wardrobe, but because She is a student, on the go and a  model at times on the run, She has a tendency to be hard on Her apparel. i have now made it a point to watch for tell tale signs of wear and tear. this past week i repaired two of Her most beautiful appliqued dresses.

Her long, dazzling, blue, wrap around smock dress had two sizable holes under the arms and Her red applicqued halter dress was all tangled and the satin straps on one side had torn loose. i repaired both dresses by hand and made sure that they were clean and presentable for my Mistress.

my Mistress seemed pleased, and told me that i made Her life so much easier when i was around. i must admit, when my Mistress compliments my work, that i do have a tendency to blush and get a little flustered.  one particular time, W/we were driving back to Her lair in the mountains, when She complimented me three times, i became certfiably flumoxed and subsequently drove down the wrong roadway. She gasped, slapped me, called me a "dork",and  then promptly, boxed my ears,.

abruptly forcing me to pull over, She corrected the error of my mindless sense of direction by driving U/us there Herself. i guess i just am not used to being pummeled with Her compliments.  needless to say, it was a little embarassing and emasculating to be booted out of the driver's seat of one's own car, but, i do like it when She sees fit to let me know that what i do for Her makes Her life all that much simpler and eliminates stress and drama. thank you dear, Mistress. :)

my main point is this, be attentive to the needs of Your Mistress without Her having to ask. surprise Her, and You maybe surprised with what happens afterwards. i'm still nursing a sore throat from an impromptu garroting session. ;) ~sushichum

Your Work (a poem)

one day on the phone, this summer, during a brief conversation, my Mistress had confided to me that O/our D/s relationship had been nothing more than work, or a job to Her. Her jaded words ripped through me like an old, rusty saw and hurt me far more than any whip or curt could of. yet, instead of letting these feelings stew and fester, i decided to follow Her writer's example and set my wounded heart to pen and paper. this poem is the result of that introspection. remarkably, this sudden emotive pustule release was therapeutic and helped me to deal with my feelings of grief and loss.~sushichum

Your Work

By: pescado

so, it was only about work.

all about work You say?

the punching of a time clock

the clicking of a gun

putting in time until W/we were done.

hour upon hour

minute by minute

second by second

just, fucking work … nothing more?

but somewhere between the beatings and the marks

punching that damn time card with reddened purple marks

You became a real person to me.

Someone i could relate to, and Someone to see.

it wasn’t just all about work … don’t You see?

turn off emotion until he is black and blue

nothing more to see here until W/we are through.

scratches, scars and bruises … a Dominant’s delight

left all over me and brandished in the night.

but Your marks that were given all bloody and torn

the swelling, and the blackened eyes i see in early morn.

Your marks may fade, but the roots run deep

the fist marks disappear, but the bonding was complete.

so work, fucking work that is all You can say

nothing more than putting in time to fill the day.

was that all this was? a charade,  a farce?

a momentary indiscretion as you pummel me in the dark?

the heart rings true

no matter what it’s color.

darkened hearts, smash vanilla hearts to bits in bloody palor.

work … just fucking work

laid naked, beaten, and bleeding bare for the truth

for, what was just work to You …

was Your love, to me.

i mean … don’t You see?

Summer, July 1, 2014

thoughts on

this summer has been another one of adjustment for me. those of Y/you that read my blog consistently know that i have not published anything for quite awhile. i was hurt and stymied when i found out that my Mistress had decided that within the boundaries of Her new life, there was no room for me as Her slave. what was worse was that this was communicated to me by Her while She and i were both not in the most lucid of states. What i remember most was how lost i felt when She released me as Her pet and the big fucking, gaping chasm it left in my heart.

however, things have looked up and moved in a positive direction since then.  my Mistress has found that She cannot live without my service, and has praised me multiple times for being a good boy to Her. oh, how, i long to hear and live by those words as they spring so infrequently from Her lips.

this blog has been a thorn and a painful reminder of what had been, and it hurt too much to write what i was truly feeling after my release. i put it on the shelf for awhile and let my true self hammer things out in regard to my emotions and the grief i felt. it is never fun to confront soured human emotions. being a wary fish, my sub consciousness always directs me and guides me. as a pisces, i cannot help but be driven to and fro by that dichotomy.

within the next week or so, i hope to unmask amd unpack these feelings and reveal to Y/you the true healing that has finally begun to take place since these events transpired. perhaps, this vague insight will help other submissives who are feeling a bit despondent after being released.

chin-up my friends. chin-up. ~sushichum

choked, gagged and garroted with a computer power cord

my Mistress was visiting again for the weekend and i was sitting close by near Her feet. She was thoroughly engaged with typing and answering emails and monitoring Her social correspondance. She was quiet and extremely focused and listened patiently while i sat and jabbered away about different trivial matters on no consequence. She would humor me every once in a while with a well inserted, "Mmmmm Hmmmmm." and continued typing away on Her laptop. i layed sprawled across the floor on my back and as sleep fell over me i began to snore. this seemed to irritate the crap out of my Mistress. suddenly, i felt a huge thwack across my forehead. then, another dul thud pounded against my skull and finally a third one smacked me hard across the bridge of my nose. my nose throbbed with pain and i began to feel a sneeze building.

"I said, No snoring ... I'm trying to work here. you know that." i looked up shaken and a bit hurt, but understood that She had to have a peaceful environment to work within. what i hadn't counted on was my Mistresses fondness for new implements of pain and torture. i watched still a bit dazed as She picked up the battery counter weight from Her mac and swung it forcibly and smacked it hard into my unprotected face. it's impacting sound gave Her the satisfaction of a nice CrAcK and tHwAp! She looked up approvingly and twirled the weight playfully by the cord. Mmmmmmm ... nice leverage, wouldn't you say? i was still stunned like i had been stung by a hornet and nursed the burgeoning reddened swollen orb on the side of my face that seemed to be growing and swelling with the moment. She then faked one lob towards me and then settled back into working. The rhythm and motion of Her hands and fingers across the laptop was soothing and relaxing to me. i began to regain my composure and started in to talking about how nice it was to have Her here and how great it was to be able to serve Her. i kept jabbering and talking while She patiently pounded out Her correspondance on the keyboard.

then, just as i was asking Her another innane question about my website,

She grabbed me hard by the collar with one hand and with lightning fast reflexes twirled the computer power cord between Her fingers and wrapped it around my head two to three more times. with arachnid precision, she pulled me in tight and leveraged Her grip down along my face and tightened the cords in and around my mouth.

She had efficiently wrapped the cord twice around my head. the cord dug down across my lower eye lid and over the bridge of my nose squashing the tip of it across on nostril. i began to register a protest, "wha ... huh ... i can't ... brea ..."

i struggled to get the words out, but She was not satisfied. with quickness and agility She trussed up my head again and this time yanked down hard to make three passes across my mouth, forcing the cord between my teeth and torqued down hard across my cheek. i was wrapped up and throbbing. my head was squeezed tightly between the corded bonds and i found it difficult to respirate and to talk. She had effectively gagged me, and was now in the position of choking me out if She desired.

i mumbled something unlegible, but that just made my plight even more perilous. not satisfied with my sounds at all, She yanked hard and pulled up increasing the pressure across the tender tissue of my mouth. i couldn't speak, mumble or say a thing. the corners of my eyes moistioned and i felt my eyes begin to pool. things were now finally quiet and not a sound could be heard, with the exception of my labored, wispy respiration.

my Mistress peered down and smiled at me extremely pleased and quite satisfied with Her work.  but sopmething in Her eyes told me that more was to come, as i felt the cords begin to constrict and tighten around my larnyx and neck. it was immently evident that She was intent on garroting me, as i found it ever difficult to breathe. i felt Her tug hard sharply and the cord seemed to constrict and burrow into my cheek. gazing down at me all trussed up She took on a cold efficient demeanor and pulled the cord tighter under and over my ear

. from the pics, i could see how my ear turned beat swollen red and all the blood pooled and it felt as if it was going to tear off and

explode off the side of my face

there is something almost creepily comforting about putting your trust and your life in the hands of one who loves to torment you. i knew that as i laid on the floor with the computer cord wrapped tightly around my neck that at an conceivable minute my Mistress could decide to do me in and terminate my existance. now that is total fucking power exchange.  nah ... that is just suff play. :)

or was it just a forceful yet polite way to get me to just shut the fuck up?

just being at Her feet.

 this just says it all. there is nothing like feeling that perfect inner peace and solace at the feet of your Mistress. there is just something so warm, tranquil, reassuring, and comforting. to feel safe, and secure and for the moment, all is right with the world. i treasure those rare moments. it just feels soooooo right. :)  Enjoy, Fishpaste ~

When I Kneel For You

My mind goes quiet
And I know I am safe
At your feet, my head in your lap
A warm calm washes over me
I drink in your scent and I am at peace
I know my place, where I belong
It centers me, grounds me
In a way that's hard to understand
Even harder to explain
I am humbled, honored to be there
You don't have to ask
You don't have to order
It just feels right and
It is where I want to be

– MzConundrum  MzConundrum's Writing 42F sub (Chester, Pennsylvania) Fet Life 8/18/2014

marks of pain and affection

the scar above my upper lip where She followed through with a punch so hard that my canine teeth burst through the skin.

the trampled indentations of circular and octagonal marks on my face left by the underside of Her Aasics sneakers after She played soccerball with my head and the headboard of Her bed. the marks are still there and still show. i see them daily in my car mirror as i drive to and fro to work.

the scar on the upper portion of my left forearm where She stabbed me with Her curved scimitar blade honoring the Hindu Godess Saraswati, the Godess of written knowledge, arts and music.

the most noticeable scar is the scar that skids lightly then digs zigzaggedly across the front of my forehead and then is gouged in the middle. this scar was made by one of Her love taps after She lobbed a thick, heavy ceramic bowl and struck me in the middle of my forehead. Her aim was dead on, and She never misses Her target. i remember the smell of iron and feeling just a little lightheaded and faint after She clobbered me.

each mark and subsequent scar is a tag ... a brand ... a hash mark of Her ownership and total subjugation over me
.
i wear each with pride and hope that one day She will find me worthy enough to wear Her collar.

i got butterflies and jittery feelings when i heard this ...

my Mistress came and stayed over at Her lair this weekend, to discuss business and to see how things were faring. i was feeling kinda mopey and not too enthusiastic about serving Her on this particular morning. i say this, because i am sure that every submisive feels this way sometimes. it maybe that you are not clicking like you should with your Mistress, or perhaps that B/both of you have been so busy and immersed in Y/your O/own separate vanilla worlds that there has not been time to connect like need be.

on this particular morning, my Mistress had ordered me downstairs to prepare Her breakfast while She lounged in bed checking emails, various blogs, and social media correspondance. i did as i was told, rather reluctantly, but still intent on serving Her in the best way that i knew how. knocking on Her door, i waited for Her enter response and then i respectfully presented Her eggs, cereal, toast and proceeded to serve it at Her bedside.

She cut me a glint in Her eye and a mischievious smirk played across Her lips. She looked like a great powerful feminine cat ready to pounce on an unwary fish.

"Mmmmmm ... Sooooo ... I really have conquered you, haven't I?" She tossed Her wavy, dark locks back and smiled surreptitiously at my apparent silence and obvious discomfort at the posed question.

Her directness caught me off guard. i swallowed and gulped hard. yet, the dry lump in my throat would not let me off so easily. my feet shuffled back and forth unsteadily in Her presence. She raised Her darkened eye brows and reiterated Her statement again.

"you did not answer, How does if feel to be totally vanquished.... Hmmmmmm?"
suddenly, it felt as if the lump in my throat had engorged itself and was ready to claw it's way out of my throat. i played nervously with one of Her pens on the file cabinet, while i also fiddled with the buttons on my shirt timidly, not sure if i should peer into Her powerful green eyed gaze.

i started reeling a little bit and the jittery feeling of having butterflies gave me a sickened, yet fearful unbalance. kind of like the feeling of being in way over your head with someone who basically knew you inside and out and could fucking eat you, if they so desired.

i looked down and shuffled my feet a bit. "what do You mean?", i asked with trepidation.

She stretched out, arms above head and Her lengthened torso seemed to grow three times it's length.

"I mean ... I HAVE totally conquered you. EVERYTHING that was once yours now belongs to Me. your phone, your computer, your cute little car.

I could even take your house if i wanted to. She ate some of the scrambled eggs and followed it with some buttered toast.

suddenly, i grew a bit of a flimsy backbone, and retorted ...
"no, i wouldn't let that happen."

She laughed cruelly at me and washed down some of Her meal with some water nearby.
With tenebrious mirrored eyes, She then glowered at me.

"Like you have a choice."

i then felt everything inside of me shrink and shrivel to a state of nothingness.

not missing a beat, She continued to mindfuck and trounce me with Her overwhelming dominance and authority.

"Now listen ... my blue dress is laying on the bathroom floor and it needs to be cleaned. Make sure that it is washed and fresh smelling the next time I decide to come up here and check up on you. Understood?"

"Now, leave Me and clean up My kitchen and do the dishes."

I shook my head eeeked out a weak, "yes Mistress." and proceeded to begin to clean up the dirty breakfast dishes before making a hasty retreat downstairs.